Thursday, December 14, 2006


It's kind of an odd day here in FIF-land. I saw a road sign for a crosswalk with the usual stick-man walking across the street. Someone had put a sticker of a bottle in his hand and with that one detail it looked like he was tottering around drunk. My wife and I drove past a place called the "Touch of Class Lounge" which looked anything buy classy. People are outsourcing their holiday shopping, decorating, and wrapping. Joel Zumaya of the Detroit Tigers suffered what will undoubtedly be the dumbest injury of the year, inflaming his elbow while playing Guitar Hero, and Paris Hilton has reached new levels of skank.

This week's theme:
Year in Review, 2006

The end of the four part series, although strangely enough, it ends in mid-November. Nothing interesting enough has been happening lately. Oh well.

October 9th, North Korea tests a nuclear weapon and is roundly condemned by a bunch of other countries who also possess nuclear weapons. It wasn't the biggest bombshell dropped that day as it was announced that Google was buying YouTube for $1.6 billion dollars.

October 13th, U.S. Congressman Bob Ney pleads guilty to corruption charges brought against him. Despite pleading guilty to taking bribes while in office, he refuses to resign from the House for a couple weeks. One wonders, what exactly was he waiting for?

October 15th, legendary music club CBGB's closes down. Now you can laugh at your poseur friend in a band who has one and thinks he's cool by asking him to take you there at some point and having him say, yeah, that would be awesome. You fake.

On October 17th, the U.S. population hit 300 million. How did they know that?

October 31st, North Korea says that they really just wanna talk. (NK: I'm sorry about the whole detonating a nuclear device thing. Can you forgive me?)

November 7th, the Democrats take over the House (and the Senate) announcing a new direction for America and that they'll reform everything and not be corrupt and cut the deficit but keep all the programs that you like and make really good positive laws because America is a positive place where our great spirit is what makes us the home of freedom and liberty around the world. Or something like that. They'll eventually be kicked out because they'll be discovered to be corrupt, free-spending, pork-loving, folks who do nothing but spit out cliches. Lather, rinse, repeat.

On November 8th, D-Rums resigns as Secretary of Defense. He was the funniest man in America.

On November 19th, this happened. I remind you that 'this' can be an anagram for another word. It still applies.

But of course, the most important story of the year happened throughout the course of November when Britney Spears filed for divorce from Kevin Federline. Tomorrow, I'll be handing out my end-of-the-year awards. Bet on both of them to win several.

On to the news:

Headline: Hermaphrodtic deer with seven legs 'tasty'
(I don't write them i just read them)

Headline: Man uses antlers in road rage incident
(On any other day, this would have won in the "FIF stories involving forrest-dwelling ungulate body parts" category, but such is life.)

A few funny 911 calls
(Or as the British translate it "999")

Having taught classes, I can tell you... this is a really bad idea
(Some days you just want to shoot them)

Harry Potter has been legalized in Georgia
(My wife will be happy)

How not to rob a convenience store
(At FIF, we don't encourage felonies, but if you're out to rob a store, this is a good training guide on what not to do)

Bright, shiny objects:

(Nerds rapping... the documentary)

How to attract members of the opposite sex as demonstrated using sock puppets
(WTF factor: medium well)

Today's random "next blog":

The dinosaur blog
(Posts about dinosaur-related matters)

Today's strange anniversary:

December 14, 1901 -- The first-ever ping pong tournament is held. I could sure kick your butt at a game of ping pong.

Fun fact of the day:

Other than humans, black lemurs are the only primates that may have blue eyes.

And finally:

My latest obsession song. One of those ones I remembered completely at random and can't get out of my head. Big hair and power chords, a match made in rock heaven.

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