Thursday, July 13, 2006

Kinky or No Major Problems?

These are the days that I wish I had a camera phone. Last night, I went to Walgreens to find a birthday card for my father. In the store, there was a display at the end of an aisle with some random shampoo. The company had manufactured special formulae for various hair problems in color-coded bottles. So, there was a formula for dry hair (in a red bottle), one for frizzy hair, etc. The final sign just said "kinky? OR no major problems?" Walgreens never ceases to amaze me.

In shopping for cards, I also saw the usual "Birthday -- Mother" placcards. Some of them amaze me what Hallmark will do for a little cash. The best one this time around (because the cards change with the seasons) was "Jesus Will Comfort You." Until then, here's a card.

Thus sayeth Paris Hilton, discussing The Simple Life:

Hilton says she created her “Simple Life” personality by combining characters from two hit films. “Before I started the show I thought I’d make a character like the movies ‘Legally Blonde’ and ‘Clueless’ mixed together, with a rich girl all-in-one,” she explained. “Even my voice is different and the way I dress is different from me in real life. It’s a character I like to play. I think it’s carefree and happy. The public think they know me but they really don’t.”


So Paris... here at the Foreign Intelligence Files (FIF for short!) we'd really love to get to know you for who you really are... not the green night vision version of you. All these years, you've been playing a vapid blonde with a hidden talent, a rich girl who had to change her voice to be noticed, all in the name of the artistic expression that was The Simple Life. Speaking of...


On to the news:

Considering a career change?
("Mr Willmott described the £2,000 sculptures as ideal focal points for gardens and said they had attracted interest from around the world"... no kidding.)

Now this is intestinal fortitude!
("The theft meant the initial trial had to be temporarily suspended on legal grounds in case the judge showed bias in the case"... no kidding.)

Bad Dog!
("Draper said police were trying to determine if there might have been some malfunction that would have allowed the gear shift to be moved easily"... no kidding.)


Other Bright, Shiny Things:

My wife sent me this one.
(This is especially funny if you've been to Chicago.)

What is it about rock stars?
(What exactly is Pepsi getting at here?)

Keeping with our Bob Saget theme this week.
(Who you rollin' with?)


And finally:

Is this like paying a clown to entertain the guests at a kids' birthday party?

OK, I love y'all. Buh-bye.

(apology: Apparently, some of the post got cut off earlier... not sure how that happened. *shrug* Life continues.)

2 comments:

Amanda said...

don't get me started on Ms. Hilton....

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