Friday, September 22, 2006

White and Nerdy

Weird Al kicks off a mega-FIF Friday...

Things my wife says:

Last night, we were watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... the Tim Burton version. Thought the original 1970's version with Gene Wilder was creepy? You ain't seen nothing yet.

Anyway, at the scene where the kids all enter the chocolate room, my wife turns to me and says, "What if a diabetic kid had found the Golden Ticket?"

I love my wife.

This week's theme:
Sacha Baron Cohen

Ali G talks about religion and nuclear weapons and drugs.

If you enjoyed this theme, may I recommend Cohen's old movie featuring Ali G.

On to the news:

This one gets quoted in full:

LINCOLN, Neb. - Chasing a herd of mule deer with a helicopter might seem less than sporting, but it's also a violation of federal law.

A South Dakota man was sentenced Wednesday to two years of probation for chopper-chasing a herd in a Nebraska national forest.

Troy Link, 34, pleaded guilty to airborne harassment of wildlife.

Witnesses say that in November 2004, they saw the helicopter flying less than 100 feet above the ground, chasing the small herd in the McKelvie National Forest southwest of Valentine. Using any kind of aircraft to harass or disturb wildlife is a crime punishable in federal court by up to a year in jail and a fine of up to $100,000, according to the state attorney general's office.

During his probation, Link, of Huron, S. Dakota, is prohibited from hunting or fishing, and must pay a $5,000 fine.

Let's recap everything we've learned, shall we?
  1. It isn't enough that we have guns. We must now assert our dominance over the rest of the food chain by terrifying them using a helicopter. Apparently, there is also no better use for a helicopter.
  2. Did he chase them all the way from South Dakota to Nebraska? Huron, SD is about 150 miles from the Nebraska border and 250 or so from McKelvie National Forrest. (I looked it up on Mapquest.) You don't cover that by accident.
  3. There is a federal crime called "airborne harassment of wildlife." The Wright Brothers would not be pleased.
  4. During his two year probation, Link can not hunt or fish. (That'll show him!) But can he still fly his chopper?
  5. A 34-year-old man was apparently either bored, angry, or drunk enough to think this idea up. And he was piloting a helicopter at the same time. Here's to the future of America!
Drunk driver manages to run himself over
(Is it just me or are they getting dumber out there?)

I don't usually do stories involving people's deaths, but this one seemed appropriate.
(When it's my time in a 100 years or so, I hope my family is as kind to me.)

Bright, shiny objects:

Happy birthday to someone out there
(Now, this is something that would happen in my family)

An idiot test for professionals
(So, did you pass?)

Today's Random "Next Blog":

Ah, pushing the "next blog" button is always such an adventure.

The Obscure Pop Culture Reference Blog
(A blog I could have written myself! Except that would be some sort of weird John Malkovich thing.)

Today's Weird Anniversary:

September 22, 1903 - Italo Marchiony granted patent for ice cream cone. Of course, since summer is now over, he can't really use it for another nine months.

Fun Fact of the Day:

The white part of your fingernail is called the lunula.

And Now A Word From Our Sponsors:

The Yellow Pages
(Saving Brits from sharks for years now)

And finally:

Well, it wouldn't be a week in FIF-land if Federline Award winner Paris Hilton didn't do something stupid. In a bizarre case, she was being questioned by police as a witness in the burglary of Gilmore Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis's house. She says that she's not, like, you know, ummm, that, smart. Popozao! You can hear her say these things for herself here.


Whiteboy said...

2 thoughts...

1) Every time you think he can't one-up himself, Weird Al comes out with something even more genius! I need to find myself a good copy of that song.

2) Tell Tanya that a diabetic kid wouldn't be eating chocolate bars in the first place, hence no finding a golden ticket. ;-)

Dove Knits said...

A diabetic kid can, too, find the golden ticket! What if he got hypoglycemic and had nothing with him and had to buy a bar of chocolate or die? Cuz, you know, diabetics can swing either way. Not that diabetics usually eat chocolate (the fat in it makes for slower sugar release), but if there was nothing else, he certainly COULD have bought a Wonka bar.