Dolphin Returns Home After Speedo Accident

This morning while riding the train to work, I engaged in a habit that everyone does, but strangely, no one ever talks about. I was reading the paper that someone was holding, because I forgot to grab one for myself. The headline was "Dolphin Returns Home After Speedo Accident."
I stopped reading immediately after that, but I have to say, the entire day, I've wondered what kind of story that could possibly be. What possible confluence of events could have produced that particular headline? I found the answer. It was weirder than I could have imagined. Although, this may explain a few things.


This week's theme:
Laughing until we collapse

It's time for another Good Idea, Bad Idea
(Insert witty comment here.)

Two gems of 1996 in one!
(You know you loved it, and 10 years later, you still know the moves.)


On to the news:

Fight breaks out among Buddhist monks at peace protest
(The Middle East I understand, but this?)

Finally, a stupid criminal who gets his wish!
(He broke in to what?)

Justin Timberlake states the blatantly obvious
(Broccoli!)


Bright, shiny objects:

More of my childhood coming back to haunt me
(Marc Summers is now on the Food Network, and is a spokesman for awareness of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. As an official psychologist, I applaud him.)

Motivational poster maker
(Now this is downright dangerous.)


And now a word from our sponsors:

Ronald McDonald had a little surgery
(And now he looks like Paris Hilton)


And finally:



(I told you this was dangerous.)