It all looks the same coming out the other end

I found out that the Empty TV Idiot Music Awards are coming up at the end of the month. I suppose now's a good a time as any to repeat for the 205802395821st time that MTV doesn't actually play videos any more, which makes having a video music award show funny. Sure enough, the list of nominees reads like the playlist at a Top 40 radio station, further lending credence to the thought that actually giving awards to videos on artistic merit has gone out the window. Genres like folk and country apparently don't exist (I know, that's what the Country Music Awards are for.)

This year, MTV has decided that all of the awards will be decided by popular vote. Kinda like the baseball all-star game. (And we know how that turned out.) They at least used to pretend that they had "expert judges" in the back room. As we get closer, stay tuned for the official FIF VMA preview and live blogging of the biggest event in pop music culture of the year.


This week's theme entry:
Odd renditions of the Star Spangled Banner

Today's entry: Slash from Guns and Roses/Velvet Revolver... at a Toronto Blue Jays Game

Our Where's Waldo Checklist:
1) A self-indulgent guitar solo... how appropriate
2) Your mind wanders to this
3) O Canada... you deserve so much better
4) Cory Koskie looks like he's about to give a metal hand sign


On to the news:

A good idea in more ways than one
(Every man who is reading this article knows exactly why this program is necessary.)

From the people who brought you the Vagina Monologues

(Not exactly a FIF story, but still a little odd)

Headline: Cops quickly find stolen doughnut truck

(Not that we here at FIF like to feed such stereotypes)


Other Bright, Shiny Objects:

Make your own bobblehead doll!
(Is it a bad sign that the first thing I thought was, wow I could think of some people who I'd like to make into a bobblehead doll and then smash into pieces? Does that mean I have anger issues?)

I wonder what percentage of America would think this is funny, compared to what percentage of the readers of the Foreign Intelligence Files (FIF for short!)
(0.69% vs. 3.14%, I bet)


And now a word from our sponsors:

Before watching this, spin around until you get dizzy
(It'll make more sense that way.)

And finally:

My wife and I went out to dinner last night, to celebrate her return to Chicago and her birthday. We went to one of our favorite restaurants, where they have little trivia cards at the table to keep people occupied while they wait for their food. Did you know that Samuel L. Jackson was once emplyed as Bill Cosby's stand in? Imagine the Jello commercial that could have been...